ENTRY 20: Response to "The World Is Spining Around"

Selected poem: The World is Spinning Around

The world is spinning around
Black engulfs my eye
Nobody wants the sorrow drowned
In the slight raindrop sigh

Old melody echoes in the car
Rehashing cozy chat
The moonlight stepping far
As the wheels rolling forward flat

I am feeling standing on the mountain peak
Looking down autumn farm              
The chill of air freeze cheek
Taking away the strength of warm

The wind squeezes throat
Leaving the hoarse voice alone
Every wisp of the blowing mote
Piling up to tough stone


1. what's working well (what requirements of good poetry are here?)
This poem conveys a good sense of  rhythm with the words at the end of every lines. Also, the poet gives a stronge sense of image with the words like "black, raindrop, moonlight, wheel, moutain, farm, cheek."  Through the use of these words, we can sense a image where is cold and high and the feeling of loneliness and the hidden fear.

2. what is not working (what requirements of "good poetry" are lacking? or not quite working?)
However, the sense or the feeling of the narrator actually is a little hard to detect. Though i can feel a sense of loneliness and the fear, but the feeling is still so vague to be sensed as the poet uses something, seems to me, that are not very relative; for example, the car in the second stanza, in my mind, is not so relative with the sorrow and the chill in the first and the forth stanza. So the poem is a little bit hard to be understandable by me, a reader.

3. what needs to be changed?
The poet should give more connections between the things and the images he/she created to deliver a stronger feeling and to be more understandable by the audience.

4. suggestions for how the poet might change.
He/she can make advantages of the forms of the poem or other ways to build the connections between  the one image with another image; or change the form of the poem leading the audience to a more clear world.